7 Phrases That Can Hurt Your Partner
Your words have the power to make the person you love feel special, unique and loved. However, just as they can inspire, there are certain phrases that can hurt your partner.
In affective relationships, you have to be careful with the way in which anger is expressed. Sometimes you can say something you don’t really think about, due to the heat and excitement of the discussion. This can cause great damage to the partner and even push it to the limit. It is necessary to be assertive when a problem occurs with the other and, although sometimes it cannot be avoided, think about what you are going to say before opening your mouth.
Let’s go deeper.
As we have already discussed, it is easy to express something that you do not feel when you are angry. However, keep in mind that it is not the same to say “this seems silly to me” and “you’re silly.”
In the first, the disagreement with the speech is specified, while in the second case, the person is pointed out directly, making the comment too personal.
What are the phrases that can hurt your partner?
You probably already know them, but it never hurts to remember what NOT to say in a discussion:
- “Sorry but…”. Apologizing by saying “but” does not help build trust, credibility, or intimacy.
- “Oh yeah? but if you… ” . Flipping the tortilla can end a conversation. This is perceived as a threat to the connection that has been formed.
- “You always…”. This phrase opens the door for endless discussion and will make your partner feel attacked.
- “You are just like …”. Pointing out the similarities between your partner and someone she doesn’t want to be is a dangerous way to criticize.
- “I don’t know why I’m with you.” If you are brave enough to express that, you should be brave enough to leave.
- Verbal attacks through insults or rudeness.
- “My ex would never have done this. ” Demanding the same from your current partner from your previous relationship is an immature attitude that can have serious consequences.
Microaggressions
Microaggressions are the psychological abuse that is called covert, since it comes from small and circumstantial verbal attacks by the partner. They tend to occur in everyday life and become a habit, to the point that they become part of the routine to the detriment of self-esteem.
They are mistreatments that do not leave physical traces, but they do leave emotional ones. In fact, the person who suffers them often feels ridiculous when they express their discomfort to family or friends.
For example, some phrases that can hurt your partner include sarcasms such as “not a single day goes by without you giving me a new clumsiness” and “let me do that, you are useless.” The situation worsens if you add the closing phrase “I tell you with affection.”
These and many other similar expressions are confused with affection, but they are destroying and generating fatigue in the affected person.
How to act?
Arguing has its art and is not synonymous with fighting. The way you talk, precisely, will greatly influence the magnitude of the conflict.
Some of the values that must remain in the language to avoid uncomfortable situations are empathy, respect, humility and generosity.
These phrases can steer the discussion in a good direction:
- “You are right in what you say.” This phrase is an opportunity to reach a middle ground with the couple.
- “I feel (like this) when you say that.” Starting with this prayer provides an opening to confess feelings and strengthen ties of trust. In addition, it is a door for your partner to also express how he feels.
- “I’m sorry if I have bothered you. Tell me exactly what you feel so that I can understand you better… ” . Forget assuming or guessing what your partner’s feelings or emotions are. Allow the conversation to have spaces for understanding.
- “Why don’t we try to support each other?” The honest approach invites the union of both parties to transform or end a discussion in a positive way. Soft gestures and tones of voice, physical contact, and looks help in this type of reconciliation.
Be patient with the other
Misunderstandings will always be part of any relationship in general and in a particular relationship. To get them on the right track, it is necessary to practice good communication and try to avoid phrases that can hurt.
Likewise, when you’re angry, try to wait before saying the first thing that comes to mind. Even if the other person seems to have made a terrible mistake, they may simply have had a bad day or are not feeling well. Be patient with your partner, because you would also like him to have it with you.
