Who Has “control” In Your Relationship?

There are many couples who have problems and who do not find balance and happiness. One of the main causes may be the feeling of losing control of your life as a couple. That is, for the other person to seek their own benefit and interest.

We have to be careful with this idea. The most important thing in any relationship is to remember that you must keep control of your own life. If you love that relationship, fight for it. If it makes you unhappy, take control and walk away.

The importance of internal resources in the relationship

We know that in every relationship there are rules of their own. Those agreements that we reach over time. It is appropriate to bear in mind that, in general, every stable and happy couple can have the following dimensions:

• There is harmony, respect and mutual admiration.
• They develop good communication. They both listen to each other and know how to be constructive.
• Arguments appear from time to time, it is normal. But they are resolved by reaching agreements, with mutual respect and understanding.
• There is a balance of forces. That is to say, I strive to make you happy and you do the same for me. We both give up certain aspects to win in our union. Being together is the top priority for both of you, and sometimes resignations happen. (Be careful, giving up what may arise does not necessarily have to be synonymous with “sacrifice” or “loss” in all the negative sense of the word).
• Personal spaces are respected and mutual trust prevents the appearance of jealousy or negative thoughts.

When we speak of internal resources, we refer precisely to these dimensions that build any good relationship: knowing how to understand, knowing how to respect, value commitment and having a clear will to make the other person happy. Knowing that the partner feels the same.

There is a balance. We both have the particular control to bring energy and will to the relationship itself. We have a project in which we both offer our being, love and maturity.

Loss of control in the relationship

At what point do people lose control in relationships? Situations can be very varied, but in general, they always follow some basic axes that are worth knowing:

• There are some relationships in which one exercises power over the other. Thus, there may be a domination that implies that we fall into a clearly defenseless situation. They are toxic relationships in which a clear manipulation develops. Absolute control over our actions, displaying well-known dimensions such as jealousy, mistrust, resentment …
• When one member of the couple has low self-esteem, they could develop insecurity and a need to control the other. He does it because he is afraid of losing the person he loves. To betray her because he thinks that at the least he will be abandoned. Insecurity generates distrust, and distrust the desire for control.

• We also have to bear in mind that there are personalities that are used to having control in all spheres of their life. Both personally and professionally, they always seek to master every detail. Have the “singing” voice in every decision. About every person. It is a type of complex profile when it comes to establishing a healthy relationship.

Who should be in control at all times? Only you

People should not lose control over who we are or what we do at any time. Being a couple does not mean giving up your identity, who you are or what you feel.

The moment we lose control of life and hand it over to someone else, we lose everything. It is not at all a question of exerting a game of forces. A couple is not a battlefield. It is a palace of happiness to be built between two, where both are in control.

Control is essential to fight for what we want, to fight for that person we love and thus also define our own harmony. No matter how old you are, or your social status, we all deserve to be happy at all times, and we all have enough power to achieve it.

You have control over your own life to fight for your dreams and for that person with whom you fell in love. Now, if you only have tears in your life and you do not see any future project, never forget that you also have control to walk away. To let go and open new paths in your life and emotional cycle.

What we have exposed here are tips that can offer you some guidance. However, we recommend that you consult with a couples therapist if you feel that you need professional help. In this way you can obtain specialized guidelines in your case.