Childhood Attachment And Its Importance For Adult Life

A healthy child attachment is essential for the minor to become a healthy adult on a psychological level, since, otherwise, they will show these deficiencies in your future relationships.

Childhood attachment is the emotional and behavioral bond that is established in the early stages of a human being’s life and that determines their future relationships. However, in everything there must be a balance, and this was not going to be an exception. An excess of attachment, too much pampering or excessive protection are as negative as an absence of hugs, of affection and attention.

Childhood attachment is a basic need

Childhood attachment allows children’s brains to develop naturally and healthily. Thanks to him, certain dynamics are started to be established on how to relate and socialize with others.

If parents do not think about their children, they move away from them and there is a dysfunctional relationship between the couple, it is likely that the little ones will be very insecure in their relationships tomorrow.

Safety in the first years of life is very important to have healthy relationships. Also so that these do not end up leading to emotional dependence, something of special care.

When, for example, children experience separation from their parents in this childhood attachment development, they focus on themselves. Thus, in most cases, they ignore their children, they believe that “they do not find out anything”, that the little ones do not develop anxiety problems with respect to relationships.

The types of childhood attachment

1. Secure attachment

In this type of attachment, parents approach their children and respond to their emotional demands. They do not ignore them, they show them their affection and they always seek contact. And this is evidenced by this article published in the journal Anxiety and stress .

The fact of always seeking contact with the children does not refer to the situation of “give me a kiss” or “give me a hug.” This is a demand to which, perhaps, the little ones do not want to respond because they do not feel like it.

2. The anxious-ambivalent attachment

In this type of infantile attachment the parents are affectionate, but they do not know how to show it. Therefore, there is less contact, they do not empathize with children so much and there is a certain distance.

In this type of attachment there is always a negative motivation towards the child, that is, everything bad that he does is pointed out, but not the good. This can lead to a lack of self-esteem.

Likewise, as this study published in Psychology and Health points out , the little one is not sure if his parents are available when he needs it, since they threaten the little one with abandonment to control him.

3. The anxious-avoidant attachment

In this case, there is a clear rejection of the little ones and the parents show very unpleasant behaviors. For example, parents who are unfaithful, alcoholic, where there is abuse and where the child does not even occupy a second plane, is invisible, sometimes, even a burden.

Rejection behaviors are common, as are punishments. The child will understand that it bothers him and that he is not loved, as the study that we have just mentioned in the journal Psychology and Health points out . This will be reflected in your later relationships, in which you will always be disappointed.

4. Anxious-disorganized attachment

In the latter case of child attachment there is abuse and manipulation within the family, especially in the relationship between the parents.

The child is disoriented, since he approaches the figure that is attached, but this, in reality, manipulates him. So he fears it, so we find an incredible inconsistency. This will show up in your relationships, since you won’t know what you want. He will not know how to love and manipulation and control will be something present in all of them.

All of this is evidenced in this research published in the scientific journal Psychology from the Caribbean .

In short, as we have seen, childhood attachment is very important and the root of all those problems that we face in the relationships that we maintain in adult life. Therefore, it is  essential to develop a healthy attachment.

Parents are the people with whom we begin our first socialization and bonding. Balance, as we have said, also plays a key role. Both the excess and the lack of that contact and that affection will be very negative.

Thus, the most significant consequence is depending on others, not only to receive affection, but also to seek their approval. Not all of us have had a secure attachment in childhood, but the good thing about this is that it can be changed.

In this way, we can learn to improve those frustrated and pain-filled relationships that are the product of a childhood in which attachment did not develop properly.