Raising Children Alone: ​​everything That Awaits Us

Raising children alone is a decision that can be by will or because that is how she had to live the experience of motherhood. From the death of the couple, to the irresponsibility of an absent father, many reasons can lead a mother to fully assume the raising of children.

It is not easy to raise children alone; it is a challenge. However, there have always been women who raise and educate their children alone. There are millions who have managed to care for happy and loved children who become full and fulfilled adults and are happy.

Raising children alone: ​​an important decision

Motherhood is a wonderful stage in a woman’s life, but at the same time it is complex. If you have the support of your partner, you can make the journey more bearable, but this is not always the case. A toxic relationship is not the best example for children. There are many women who decide to go ahead with their pregnancies despite having broken up with the baby’s father.

There are also women who have been abandoned by irresponsible men. Although the option of being single mothers may not have been in their plans when they began the relationship, they take on the challenge of raising their children alone with love and courage.

On the other hand, more and more women decide to resort to artificial insemination to achieve the dream of being mothers. They are disappointed in relationships with men or they have not found the right partner and the biological clock tells them that it is time.

The challenges of raising children alone

If you have decided to raise children alone, you are now a single parent family. The absence of the father does not have to stigmatize your children. There will be problems, but they can be fixed. It is up to you that they can grow up as healthy, loved and happy children.

Without a doubt, it is more difficult than being accompanied, but it is not impossible. Some basic recommendations for you to organize yourself in your role as a single mother are the following.

Organize your support network

Most likely, you are not totally alone. Think and organize who are the people who will accompany you in the pregnancy, delivery and care of the baby. Your parents, siblings, cousins, or friends are your support network. And so this article published in Interaction and perspective: Social Work Magazine points out .

If your partner has released the responsibility for you and your child, avoid letting yourself be carried away by dejection. Surely, you will find more than one person in your environment who is happy about the idea of ​​you being a mother and is willing to support you in whatever is within reach.

Some will support you in more complex tasks; others, in simpler aspects, but each contribution, no matter how small, helps you to ease the difficulties.

Organize your work, your time and your budget

All the expenses associated with the maintenance of your children are on your own, so there is no room for improvisation. You will juggle to take care of your children, fulfill your work commitments and be a mother.

You must find a job that is compatible with the fact that you are responsible for your children: take them and bring them to kindergarten or school, do homework, take them to the doctor and much more.

Also, your income must cover the budget you need to take care of all the fundamental needs: medical care, food, clothing, education and recreation.

You must organize your schedule without being overwhelmed. All in good time, that there is room for responsibilities and for fun. And it includes a significant amount of patience for when things don’t go as planned.

Prepare for the big question

Avoid being taken by surprise when asked about the father of your child. It does not make sense that you have a bad time or, worse, that your child is affected by it.

If you made the decision to have an artificial insemination, you have to be able to speak it naturally, the same that you will use the day you have to tell your children what its origin is.

If your partner left you or passed away, you should talk about it without being overwhelmed by mixed feelings. It will take time, but you will get to give that answer without pain or anger. Remember that many times you will have to talk about the father of your children, especially to themselves.

Avoid discrediting or blaming for raising children alone

If you had an unfortunate relationship with the father of your child, prevent those feelings of frustration, anger or resentment from invading you and leading you to blame your children. They are not responsible for the failure of the couple’s relationship.

Your children have the right to know their origins and you have the duty to give them the most accurate and neutral information possible. Avoid influencing negative positions in your children towards their father. Although it is difficult for you to admit it, that man is responsible for 50% of the lives of your little ones.

Let them know the truth about its origin and make the decisions they deem appropriate for themselves. This is especially important for children conceived by artificial insemination. Sooner or later they will ask who or where their dad is.

Cultivate forgiveness

It’s easy to say, but it’s certainly not so easy to forgive an absent parent. It is a process that takes time. First, you say “I forgive you” , but it will not be until much later when you realize that you have managed to forgive.

If your partner passed away or left you,  you should not only forgive him, but also yourself. At any moment you may feel guilty for what happened. You decided to have a child with that person and they were the one who gave you the wonderful opportunity to be a mom, so forgive yourself.

To the extent that you can forgive, you can help your child activate his own forgiveness mechanisms. Forgiveness is a great expression of love, the one that unites you and cultivates with your child, which is the most important thing.

Seek specialized support

A supermom is not the one who can handle everything, but the one who recognizes when she needs help. If you need to seek psychological help so that you and your children overcome the absence of the father, do it without hesitation.

Regardless of whether there are compelling reasons to harbor dark feelings, that does not help your personal well-being and that of your children. Family therapy can help you understand and fill emotional gaps.

Ultimately, although you will not fill the void of the absent father, do your best as a mother. To raise children alone you need twice the love, patience, understanding and commitment. It is difficult, but you can. Your children will appreciate and recognize it.